Saturday, January 7, 2012

Why I Love Bon Jovi: An Essay jk... Murder Mystery Part S7v7n

Gary the P and Calara loaded into their minivan and sped off to Estacada intent on apprehending Hubert before he could kill another mayor. Unfortunately, Gary the P took a wrong turn on the Interstate and the 2 ended up in Phoenix, Arizona. Blessedly though, this was another potential murder site for Hubert! Gary the P loaded up the high-powered rifle he kept under his driver's seat and chambered a round. Calara gasped.

"HUUUUUUH!" Calara gasped.

"What?" Gary the P said as if he weren't holding an illegal weapon.

"Gary the P! Are you going to KILL Hubert?!" she torted.

"Well how else do you expect me to stop an imminent murder?!" he retorted.

"Call the cops! Gary the P, this isn't your place. Your life could be put in terrible danger." she responded with mock enthusiasm.

"Calarara, this is my destony... Destiny. I MUST stop Hubert before it's too late. First it's the mayor of Phoenix, then the world!!!!!!" Gary the P emasculated.

Calara (which has now been entered into the writer's computer dictionary!) knew this was a losing fight so she relented and thought to herself "If he dies, he won't bother me anymore about this romantic interest stuff" and she spoke softly to Gary the P in his ear.

"Go get him, sport."

Gary the P began muttering nonsense under his breath and Calara realized the mistake she'd made. Gary the P leaned in towards her and puckered up his lips. Fortunately for Calara, at that exact moment a murder was committed right outside their SUV.

"HUBERT!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gary the P exhaled. He leaped through the floor of the Truck and dashed towards a shadowy figure disappearing into the alleyway behind them. Meanwhile, Calara tended to the recent victim. It was the Mayor of Estacada.

"Mr. Mayor of Estacada! Are you alright?!" Calara groaned gutterally.

"I've been shot you stupid girl!" he spat.

Realizing the dumbness of her pregunta, Calara began to tend to the mayor's wound, but when she opened his shirt, the near-lifeless mayor began to lean into her face and pucker up. Calara shrieked and ripped open the mayor's bullet hole immediately killing the man. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she skipped off after Gary the P, but her search did not last long as Gary the P was found shot and lying on the ground in the alleyway.

"OH MY GOD! Did Hubert shoot you, Gary the P?!?!" she said calmly.

"No... No... It was that rifle I was carrying... I don't... know... how to... use it..." Gary the P said as he died in Calara's arms.

Calara knew now what she must do. Avenge the death of her dear friend Gary the P and stop Hubert the Abomination once and for all.

At this point, Gary the P walked up behind her.

"OH NO! Calara! Who is that?!?!" he whispered.

"Wha-" she stammered.

It was then that she realized the man lying on the ground dead was actually the mayor of Phoenix and that Gary the P was a-ok. It was all just a simple misunderstanding. Gary the P and Calara laughed it off until they remembered the dead body lying beside them.

"Calararararara! We have to go  to Springfield and stop Hubert! NOW! NOW!!!!!!!"

For the first time in her life, Calara agreed with Gary the P. This had to stop. NOW! NOW!!!!!!! They loaded up into their semi-trailer and sped off after Hubert. To Springfield.

Meanwhile, in the dark alleyway where the two once stood, Hubert, hidden in the shadows, began to hatch a plan. A devious plan. A bad plan. A plan that would harm the heroes. A plan that would break the 4th wall several times. Yes. A plan. A plan to end all plans. This. Was. A. Plan.


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