Saturday, January 14, 2012

Murder Mystery Scene 14

[The stage lights back into clarity and the orchestra dies down as the spotlight pans to our heroes and Charlie from Dom DeLuise's trek back to Springfield on Gary the P's motorized Big Wheels. The orchestra begins to perform an energetic tune in the key of F major as our heroes have gained a new motivation for saving the mayor; they have learned that a mafia is also on his trail.]

CHARLIE: So what have you guys found out so far?

CALARA: We don't really know anything besides a mafia led by that Stan guy is trying to kill a bunch of mayors. We know they've killed three using a mercenary named Hubert. If we can stop him, we can probably take out a lot of their driving force.

GARY THE P: I agree with everything Calara has just stated.

CHARLIE [nodding in acknowledgement]: Thanks, Gary the P. So what leads do we have on Hubert?

GARY THE P: Read from here.

[Several minutes pass, silence ensues, only interrupted by Charlie's occasional chuckles at Jake and Jared's wittiness.]

[The orchestra plays loud staccato sixteenth triplets at 240 bpm in the key of A minor]

CHARLIE [snarkily]: Good. So you guys say you went to the shoe store, but it was blown up? That's not good. We need to focus on this guy until we find him. Speaking of which...

[At this point, Charlie's vocal cords snap and he is rendered mute.]

CALARA: That's unfortunate. Gary the P, I think he was about to suggest breaking into City Hall tonight and scouting for Hubert. He'll probably be there, according to my off-screen research.

[The orchestra lands on a booming C#m7add9 chord and hovers around there for the next 13 minutes]

[13 minutes later, our heroes arrive at Springfield due to the discovered Nitro function on Gary the P's motorized Big Wheels]

GARY THE P [shrieking]: To city hall, AWAY!

CALARA: Gary the P, shut up! We're doing something illegal!

GARY THE P: But doesn't that seem unethical?

[Gary the P rotates his face 360 degress, then makes a puckered face]

CALARA: Ignoring that ridiculously obscure reference, it needs to be done to save his life.

GARY THE P [grumbling]: Okay!

[The three arrive at City Hall's front door, guarded by an electronic security lock needing a 4 digit passcode.]


CALARA: Good idea. We'll start from 0000.

[3 hours and 54 minutes later, the three discover the passcode is 9999. During this time, the orchestra has been taking a water break and there is awkward silence.]

GARY THE P [wiping an absurd amount of sweat from his abdomen]: Good. Let's search inside for Humburd.


GARY THE P: Oh, right, Hoybert. Sorry. Anyway, let's go, gang!

[An annoying buzzing noise fills the area. Our heroes look around in suspense. The conductor of the orchestra realizes a vuvuzela player has sneaked into the didgeridoo section, and he is executed.]

CALARA [throatily]: So if we're looking for him in here, where might he be?

GARY THE P: I dunno. Let's let the next guy tell us.

[The stage dims again, the orchestra plays a tremendous final chord, and the curtain closes for Scene 14. The audience applauds vociferously.]


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