Monday, January 2, 2012

The First Annual Long Band Names Winter Murder Mystery Pt. 1

Ok, before we get started with what is sure to be our most massive and broad-scoped failure yet, let me give you all a quick synopsis of the idea here. Jared and I have decided to write a Murder Mystery story all throughout the month of January posting one section of the story each day. But here's the catch: Only one person will write a day and we will alternate days. We are not allowed to reveal ANY details of our ideas for the story to one another (including who we think the killer should be) at any time for any reason. It's kind of like the Whose Line? game 3-headed singer where each person sings one word of a song before deferring to the next. In other words, this will be literary crap! But if you're willing to stick with it... Well, then congratulations, you stuck with it! (PS, despite what the date says, this was written on January 1st!)

"The Mystery of the Murdered Man!!!!!!!!!!"

It was 6 o'clock in the morning...

It was 7 o'clock in the morning

It was 8 o'clock in the morning when Gary the Protagonist finally crawled out of his bed and emerged from his slumber to the sight of another gray January day in his home city of Seattle (which the authors know literally nothing about). There was nothing about the sky that morning to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over Britain. But in Seattle, something just didn't feel right. Gary the Protagonist (henceforth referred to as Gary the P) entered his shower and made sure to wash his face with his new Clearasil exfoliating solution and made ABSOLUTELY sure that he thoroughly shampooed so as not to get tangled when he went to comb his mane. It was after this that Gary the P decided he ought to eat breakfast. This was good. He made waffles. They were also good. Very good.

After breakfast, Gary was about to leave for work when he realized that it was Sunday, so he then decided to go back to sleep.

It was 11 o'clock in the morning when Gary the P emerged from his slumber and slowly crawled out of bed groggy and half-awake. He decided that he probably needed another shower and took one, but he did not use Clearasil this time since it would dry out his pores too much to use it twice in one day. He forgot, however, that he had already shampooed and used it a second time, making his hair greasy and disgusting and just generally unattractive. Then Gary decided that it had been too long since he last ate, and he made waffles. They were just as good the second time as they were the first.

Then, Gary the P decided he wanted to get out for a bit thinking to himself: "I want to get out for a bit". So he proceeded to go out for a bit. BUT as he walked out his door into the nonexistent sunlight, nothing unusual happened and he continued to walk farther into the city.

He casually strolled into his favorite Cafe where we overheard two men talking quietly in a corner. In fact, it was so quiet that he really couldn't hear them at all over the sound of the busy streets outside.

Gary the P left around 1 with a to-go cup of his favorite Mocha in tow. THIS was when it all turned upside down for Gary the Innocent P. He was walking by an alley way when he heard a FFFFWHACKABAM! His interest captured, Gary the P wandered down the alleyway and found the source of the noise to be a dumpster. He opened the hatch and inside he found.

A dead dog. A dead dog with ninety knives stuck in its chest.

Gary the P shrugged and continued farther down the alley where he found something that would truly change his life forever.

HE was looking upon the dead body of Mayor Bob the Righteous of Seattle!

"Oh No!" exclaimed Gary the P exclamatorily.

The moment of truth, should he alert the authorities immediately and let trained Crime Scene Investigators solve this case using superior technology or would he embark on a whirlwind adventure to stop the bad guy based on a series of improbable circumstances which make no logical sense and are filled with plot holes?!?!??!! I think we all know what choice Gary the P made.


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