Sunday, January 22, 2012

oʍʇ ʎʇuǝʍʇ ʇɹɐd 'ʎɹǝʇsʎɯ ɹǝpɹnɯ

Gary the P and Calara stood silent.

"Mom!?" Gary the P said unsilently.

"You seem so surprised!" Reginabeth said casually. "Did you not see the signs?"

Gary the P racked his brain. It all seemed so clear now... 

The limp... his mother had had a limp since she was twenty-seven and injured herself in that freak hot sauce incident.

The murders... Gary the P remembered his mother seeming very cheerful the day Mayor Bob the Righteous died...

The name... Reginabeth translates to Hubert in Ethiopian!

It was all too clear. Gary the P wondered to himself how he hadn't picked up on the fact that his mother was a serial killer working for a mafia...

"Gary the P, I'm so sorry..." Calara mumbled.

"Not now, girl, you'll have your turn with him when I'm through..." Reginabeth muttered.

Gary the P and Calara paused, utterly confused as to what that could have meant. The pause overed quickly when they felt a violent shake in the earth.

All around them, things began to fall. Plates crashed on the ground, pianos fell from the ceiling, and toaster ovens exploded. It was pure chaos. Our two heroes + Reginabeth looked at the center of the warehouse as an enormous drill sprang from the ground. As it emerged, the drill revealed itself to be the front of a larger-than-life tunneler that you could probably only see in the movies. The three stood in awe as it finished digging itself out and clunked on the ground. Steam spewed out of the top, and a hatch opened, revealing...

"IT'S ME, YOU ZILLY NANCYS!" shouted Franz.

"Who... are you?" Calara grumbled.

"Vut do you mean, who am I? It is me! Franz! Ze ruler of ze underground!" the new villain said with a mix of Russian, German, and French accents. He twisted his pencil thin mustache with a smirk and hopped out of the hatch onto the ground. Unfortunately, the hatch was so high above the ground that the fall broke both of his legs and killed him instantly.

"Anyway," Calara rumbled to Reginabeth. "We're going to stop you now."

"Until Mayor Wes the Triumphant is killed to death, nothing will ever be able to stop me!" Reginabeth hollered.

"Mom, why are you doing this?" Gary the P whined. "This isn't the mom that raised me!"

"Also, Gary the P, I'm not your real mother. Your real mother is Reese Witherspoon." Reginabeth added.

Stunned, Gary the P ran to a corner to rethink his life. Calara turned to Reginabeth, who was 7'6" in height and 650 pounds in weight.

"It's time for our final showdown." Calara bumbled.

"Let's ride this pony." Reginabeth menaced as she turned Super Saiyan.


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