Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Part 8: Mogadishing Out the Pain

After strolling through Mogadishu and enjoying the sights and sounds of the lush and vibrant city, the group's acid trip finally waned and they realized that Mogadishu was actually God's inspiration for Hell. Disgusted at the filth in the streets and horrified by the senseless violence around them (which they had previously believed was a birthday parade for a famous author), the group quickly left for Bakool, a small province in southwestern Somalia.

"So who exactly is Lord Wellingsworth?" Abraham asked LeForbes.

"Oh! You see, Lord Wellingsworth isn't a pop singer. That was just the acid talking. His name is actually Mohadeen Abbahjabbu and he is the second wealthiest arms dealer in all of Africa. His human trafficking and drug running operations cover most of the continent and reach well up into the Balkan peninsula, and he is frequently known to personally declare war on Djibouti and win," LeForbes read out of "African Warlords and You: Vol. 4".

"Well at least he's dead now, according to Sagan," Abraham reliefed.

"Yeah, about that..." LeForbes hinted.

"What?" said Abraham with obvious discomfort in his chest.

"He's not dead. That was the acid talking. He's actually just married a fifth wife," LeForbes bombed.

Suddenly, Abraham became quite nervous and sweated bullets. Officer put these into his pistol.

"So what's the plan once we get into Bakool?" initiatived Skye.

"Well, I was thinking we could ask for Mohadeen's whereabouts in some of the local villages and then perform a recon operation to ascertain his knowledge of Angelique's operations. Remember, we're not here to overthrow warlord. We must stick to the task at hand," LeForbes explained with surprising clarity and seriousness.

The team then arrived in Bakool via fast travel and proceeded to the village of Xudder. Once they arrived, they began questioning the villagers in order to find Mohadeen's base. Their answer came from a local hot dog salesman.

"Well yer jus' gunna take you a left up at the train depot an' then you's a'gonna find you a big ole buildin' with a sign on it that say "John's Fabrics" and you gon' walk on up in thur and you gonna find you Mohadeen," explained Abdikarim who was born and raised in Somalia and had never even heard of the American south.

"Thanks for the help! Here's a subscription to Nickelodeon Magazine!" gifted LeForbes. Then he turned to the team: "Lock and load!"

"So we're just going to waltz right into an arms dealer's base and ask about whether or not one of his wives is a murderer? What happened to the recon plan?!" raged Abraham.

"Abraham! You brilliant, brilliant boy!" shouted LeForbes. "That's a fabulous idea!"

"What is?" Abraham worrieded.

"I think I know where this is headed," Skye chortled with palpable excitement.

"You've got that right! We're going to literally waltz right into the base!!" LeForbes said with a hot sweat.

At this point, Officer pulled out his pants-flute and began playing a pleasant and elegant melody in 3/4 time.

Skye then turned to Abraham. Suddenly she was wearing a beautiful red dress.

"Better put on your dancing shoes, sexy. It's time to waltz."


1 comment:

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