Wednesday, January 2, 2013

2nd Murder Mystery: Part 2nd

Greetings, readers! It is I, Jake, here to welcome you to my first portion of the 2nd Annual Winter Murder Mystery as well as to commend you for coming back a second time. Truthfully, that's about all I was prepared to type in introduction so forgive me but I'm going to write the actual story now.

Officer got Abraham's attention by blasting his sirens as well as the classic hit "Lovesong" by The Cure while hollering in Aramaic. Unfortunately for Abraham, he couldn't speak Aramaic so he sat for an hour before deciding that he should probably check to see who was outside his house.

"Here we go," Abraham here we go'd.

Abraham left his house with a wince and saw Captain Officer Policemann waiting in the rover with an impatient grimace on his face.

"Where were you, man?! I've been out here for an hour!" Officer belted.

"You're the cop! What'd you need me for anyway?"

With that, Officer dropped the conversation because the inconsistencies were too much for the author to handle. He put the car in reverse (kept it there) and drove to the rendezvous point at Southnorth Blvd.

"Wait! There's no one here!" Officer sayed.

"Maybe that's because the rendezvous was 45 minutes ago, Captain," suggested Abraham.


The two then proceeded to search for the now 8 man team who had set out to capture the mysterious abductor. Eventually, after much scouring and a quick stop at Hamburger Monarch, Abraham and Officer came upon some police tape and decided to check out the scene. Officer took some Aleve.

"There you are, Captain! We've been wondering where you getted off to!" said Police Chief Administrator Badges.

"Chief Badges! Prepositions aren't words to end your sentences with!" Officer chastised. Ignoring both chain of command and more obvious grammatical errors, Officer continued.

"This is my new partner, Abraham," Officer assumed, "And we're gonna find out what happened to the abductor and his victim."

"Actually, Officer, the abductor is dead. We shot him down in a standoff about a half-hour ago. Unfortunately, he took his hostage down with him. Mr. Lewith is dead," explainiated Chief Badges.

Officer inexplicably burst into tears.

"Wait, Chief! You wouldn't have so many men here if this were a one-off instance," observed an observant Abraham, "What's your beef?"

Waving off the faux pas, Chief spoke. "The perpetrator was carrying a note of instruction from someone named Angelique. The note speaks of a plan to kill many more rich husbands for seemingly no reason, so we're getting a team of the best together to hunt this man and his lackeys down. In fact, the only team member we're lacking is a tech expert. I just don't have anyone to fit that bill!"

"I'm a tech expert!" blurted Abraham in a fit of glee over the use of a plot device. "Maybe I can help!"

"Really, lad?" said Chief Badges Celtically. "I could sure use your help! You're hired! No background check needed! I can tell just by looking at ya that you're a fine, upstanding gent! C'mon! Let me introduce ya to the team!"

At this, Officer piped up.

Everyone was utterly confused at how and why Officer had pulled a flute out of his trousers and begun playing Old MacDonald, but Chief Badges acknowledged his right to speak anyway.

"Yes, Officer," he spake.

"Chief! Can't I help?! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, POR FAVOR, PLEASE?!?!?!" he asked calmly.

"Fine." Chief conceded for some reason.

So Chief led Abraham and Officer over to meet the other members of Traceable Infiltrators Catching Killers Luckily Every Second (TICKLES), the team responsible for catching Angelique.

"May I introduce you to your new comrades," Chief said Russianly.

He pointed to a gorgeous woman with fiery black hair and a devastatingly attractive smile.

"This," he said, "Is Skye Rara. She's the best stealth operative we have on the force. Been with us for 3 years ever since she moved here from Bratislava." She shyly waved and smiled at Abraham and rolled her eyes at a ravenous Officer. Then, Chief Badges pointed to a tall, limber man with a sharply pointed nose, a shaved head, and a green pinstriped suit with cowboy boots.

"This is LeForbes Hathaway, our master detective. He's in charge, so be sure to do everything he says!" Chief blurted.

"Hey, Hey, Hey man! Thanks for that stellar intro," LeForbes said in the smoothest voice imaginable. "I think Abraham and I will get along just fine!"

"That reminds me! This is Abraham Lopez. He and Officer will be assisting you in your investigation," added Chief Badges out of logical order. "Have fun!" Chief Badges then tossed a smokeball at the ground which sent up a violent haze. A few seconds later, he walked calmly away.

"So where are we going to start?" said Abraham with anticipation.

"Well, my little chump, first we've gotta figure out just who this Angelique dude is so we're gonna pay a visit to Paris, France because Angelique sounds like a French name!" explained LeForbes.

"Makes sense to me!" Abraham somehow concluded.

"Enough talk, LeForbes. We've got to get moving! The clock is ticking and I'm certain that Angelique is committing more murders even as we speak!" lambasted Skye.

"True enough. Let's ride, boys!" grumbled LeForbes silkily ignoring a perturbed throat clearing from Skye, obviously offended at the lack of gender consideration (or perhaps trying to rid her throat of some vile phlegm). So the four hopped onto their motorboat drifting on Lake Michigan and set out for Paris.


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