Monday, January 14, 2013

Part 14: Estacada (or, an Historical Account Located By the Post-War Colonial Excavation Corporation in the region Formerly Known as Oregon, New Washington, South Canada, and The Wasteland [now Ocean Colony]. Ca. 3013)

In the year 3013

Hezekiah had been working for the excavation corporation for about 12 years now, chipping away at stones searching for some kind of life, or at the very least something of value, underneath the barren wasteland of Ocean Colony. Unfortunately it was to no avail on most days. Typically, the 9-day work week ended with a few dug-up pieces of metal (usually shrapnel from the bombs) and no sign of any plant or small life form. However, Hezekiah had long since accepted that life in the Post-War Colonies was a fate only slightly better than death; these work days were but a blip on his emotional radar.
However, one day, while working in the field, Hezekiah saw a small piece of metal sticking out from underneath the dirt. He figured, at first, that it was just more shrapnel, but proceeded to dig it up just to be sure. To his surprise, it was, in fact, a small capsule that had been sealed shut and marked with the year 2013 and label stating "The Angelique Project"!

"Hey, Jeroboam! Bring me a hammer, would ya?" called out Hezekiah.

"Sure thing, skeet!" he replied. Seconds later, Jeroboam tossed a hammer over to Hezekiah. "What'd ya find there?"

"It's some sort of container, I think. Could be valuable. I wanna crack it open!" he said with excitement.

"Are you nuts?! What if it breaks and you get nothing for it?! You could sell this to the Hall of Knowledge and earn a month's wages!" Jeroboam urged.

"You're right," said Hezekiah. "This is much too valuable to break! I'm selling it to the Hall."

"Good man. I wish I were as lucky as you!" replied Jeroboam.

In the year 2013

The team landed in Salem, Oregon because Portland seemed like WAY too obvious a choice for a large city containing an airport in Oregon. (You're stupid, Jared comment edited by the FBI) and then proceeded to hop on LeForbes God Boot Skis and set off for Estacada. When the team arrived, the town was in a quiet and suspicious lull.

"Why is this town in such a quiet and suspicious lull?" asked Officer to no one in particular.

"It's 3:06 in the morning, Officer," said Skye without a hint of sarcasm.

"Oh! So it is!" Officer said with honest shock.

"Anyways," interjected Abraham, "We've got to come up with a plan to stop Angelique!"

"Great idea, kid!" shouted LeForbes incongruously, "But first, let me make sure to write all of this down so I can stick it in a time capsule later! I'm feeling nostalgic!"

The team waited for LeForbes to search for a pen and paper which took about 2 days (Estacada uses reeds and papyrus) but finally he got his act together.

"I've got my act together! Let's come up with a plan!" he said with his act together.

"Alright, so what I was thinking was we could do a four-pronged infiltration where each of us does one highly specific job on our own. That way, Jared can write an installment of it tomorrow covering one job, then Jake can write the next day's and so on until all 4 jobs are done. Then we'll meet up inside Angelique's new base!" planned Skye.

"But we don't know where the new base is!" pointed out Abraham in a manner similar to an obnoxious 4-year old.

"That's silly! Did you forget that I was with the Queen of England for a day?! I took the time to use Le Computer Royale to look up the new location!" she explained.

"Ah! That makes a ton of sense!" said Abraham, throwing Jake a bone.

"Irregardless and stuff, the new base is in Siberia because that's where evil bases are," she said, "Does anybody have anything else they'd like to add?"

"Yeah, actually. Two things. First: Lil Wayne decided that weren't his scene and decided to leave the mission so count him out. Second: I'd like to make a prophecy predicting that in a thousand years, Hezekiah of Ocean Colony will become the legendary hero to save his people from the oppression of the Colonial Government and lead his people to a new promised land east of the Mississippi Canyon. Worry not; I've written it down."

"Great," said Abraham.

LeForbes dug a hole for the capsule and placed it in the ground then the team gathered up and headed for the Portland, Oregon airport and set off for Yekaterinburg, Russia.


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