Abraham walked inside the top secret Satellite Room, which had been cleverly disguised as a women's restroom. However, Abraham saw right through this disguise; there are no women in Russia!
He was wrong. 12 heavily-armed female Russian agents attacked and subdued him.
"Почему ты здесь?" asked one of the agents.
"What?" replied Abraham, not speaking a lick of Russian.
"Это то, что страны? Они говорят на английском языке в чем?" she pressed.
"WHAT?!" Abraham shouted back frantically.
"Русский! Вы говорите это?" she shrieked.
"I just need the satellite codes so I can find Angelique's base!!!" Abraham pleaded.
"Oh! Why didn't you say so?!" she said pleasantly, "Here ya go!"
The agent gave Abraham the satellite codes and calmly guided him to the room where the satellites were monitored. Abraham scrolled around for a few minutes until he saw the base on one of the maps. It was located about 200 miles outside of
TO BE CONTINUED BY JARED "тарабарщина" SEALE.
Poor English to Russian translations provided by Google. Great job, idiots.