Thursday, January 24, 2013

Part 24: Aftermath

After the fascinating, intriguing, exciting, game-changing, hideously entertaining, immensely anxiety-inducing, ferociously perfect events that transpired in Part 23, the team found themselves staring down the barrels of 4 harpoon guns.

"You've done well to get this far, but I'm afraid your run has come to an end," said the Zombie of the Spanish Army General killed by LeForbes several parts ago.

"You should have known better than to trifle with our league of evil," said Angelique whilst high-fiving Bret Michaels of Poison.

"Look. It's not like the 4 of us have anything against you guys. It's just that you had to go sticking your noses where they didn't belong," said the Mars Rover.

"We're law enforcement! Of course our noses belong here!" gurgled LeForbes.

"Shut up, pig!" shouted Zombie Spanish General (Henceforth referred to as ZSG), "You've done more than enough to my nation for one lifetime."

"Seriously, man! What did you do?" asked Abraham again.

"Not important, kid," snooted LeForbes, ignoring his age, "Anyways, I have to pee. Can I pee?"

"Certainly!" replied the Mars Rover.

"Great. Where's the bathroom?" asked LeForbes as he prepared to initiate his master escape plan.

"Right there," said the Mars Rover, pointing with its nonexistent hands at the floor.

LeForbes was foiled, but fortunately, Skye had a plan too.

"HIYA!!!!!" she screamed as she shoved her high heel into ZSG's face.

"URNGH!" he said calmly back as he straightened out his head. At this outburst of violence, the 4 captors were stunned and the team bolted off down the hallway of the submarine.

"Crap! It's a submarine!" observed Officer.

"Why couldn't the authors have told us that sooner?" Skye fourth-walled.

"Because Jared is a forgetful little dung heap," explained Abraham.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" they all remarked in unison while wagging their fingers at Jared.

The team then bolted again towards the escape pods that this submarine had for whatever reason. The pod launched rapidly out of the escape hatch and into the sky above with our heroes aboard.

"Crap!" shouted Abraham.

"What?" asked it doesn't matter who said this line.

"This isn't an escape pod!" he replied to one of them.

"What is it?" one of the three said back.

"It's a nuclear warhead!" he floobered.

"What the heck, Jake?!" shouted another member of the team who doesn't matter.

"And I'm NOT letting you disarm it!" said Bret Michaels who had climbed aboard the missile at the last second.

"Our authors are weird," said Skye plainly, "Oh well. I guess it's time for some hand-to-hand combat."

"False!" said Bret Michaels as he pulled out a lightsaber.

"Whatevs! Good thing we assembled these lightsabers in section 23!" said Abraham with confidence as the team drew their own weapons.

"Eh. Screw this," said Officer as he pumped two rounds of buck shot into Michaels during a huge anti-climax. "Disarm this bomb, Lopez."

"On it!" said Abraham as they flew towards God-knows-where aboard an atomic warhead while the 3 remaining members of the League of Evil followed them in their submarine which I forgot to mention was flying behind our heroes as the missile continued along its trajectory. I didn't get much sleep last night.


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