Friday, January 4, 2013

Mystery 2, Part 4: Lazy Day in Paris feat. Character Development

After finishing their 8 AM dinner at Le Thon Lusty, the team departed and set about to kill time until their scheduled midnight raid of Angelique's Parisian base of operations. It was a terribly dreary day in the city, and a hard rain was falling. Fortunately, LeForbes pressed a button on the back of his cowboy boots and suddenly four umbrellas were created using the boots' "Matter Creation Ray".

"Um?" questioned Abraham.

"Oh it was no trouble!" said LeForbes, missing the point entirely. "So! Where should we head off to first? There's Jean-Luc Biscuits de Noël  OR Un vendeur de journaux petite OR MAYBE EVEN le voirie!!" 

"Um... Maybe we could go to The Louvre? Or the Eiffel Tower?" suggested Abraham.

"That's so cliche," said LeForbes (pronouncing it "clitch") "But whatever. You're the boss."

Willing to overlook LeForbes mental lapse, Abraham hailed a cab and asked for the cab driver, Pierre, to drive to The Louvre. Unfortunately, there was only room in the cab for 3 people so Skye roundhouse kicked Pierre and took his spot at the steering wheel. Officer then removed the unconscious body from the car and took his place in the shotgun position. Abraham, slightly confused, just assumed this was legal in France and kept quiet.

"Punch it!" shouted Skye, epically.

At this, Officer flipped open a secret switch on the gear shift and pressed the red button underneath. The car began shaking violently until it vanished into thin air, appearing a moment later in the middle of The Louvre. Abraham's perception of Paris was apparently quite wrong.

"Great driving, babe," said LeForbes as he kissed Skye on the lips. (Note: The two are not dating)

But the Louvre visit was cut short when Parisian Cops stormed into the building to arrest the four porcs américains who had magically appeared in the world's most famous art museum.

"Looks like our visit's been cut short. We'd better get moving! Get out of the car and run!" Skye shouted.

Abraham did not take even a second to wonder why she didn't just use the teleportation system that Pierre's cab was somehow equipped with to leave the museum as quickly as they'd arrived. Instead, he kicked open the unlocked cab door and sprinted out of the vehicle. After taking 10 respectful seconds to examine the Mona Lisa, he continued running out of the building. Looking behind him, he noticed Officer, Skye, and LeForbes engaged in fierce hand-to-hand combat with the Parisian cops. He decided he'd better help, so he took La Liberté guidant le peuple off of the wall and smashed it across a cop's head. (This cop was Officer, who continued fighting as if nothing had happened.) Eventually, all of the Parisian police force was disarmed and defeated so the four took some time to tour the Louvre, marveling at all the most spectacular paintings and pondering the meaning of existence. After an enjoyable romp, the team used the teleportation cab to transport themselves to the Eiffel Tower. After the team left the cab, it exploded (meaning that Jared cannot use it as a plot device.). They enjoyed all of the sights at the literal top of the tower before descending to the ground once again. 

"Abraham, can I ask you a question?" asked Skye, asking a question.

"Sure," Abraham allowed.

"Why did you come decide to come along with us and help us stop Angelique?" 

"I honestly have no clue. I guess it just seemed like a good idea at the time. At the very least, it's been nice seeing Paris!" he positived.

"Well if its any consolation, I'm glad you're here. Officer deserves to have a famous work of 19th Century Art smashed over his head every once in a while."

"Preach it, sister," Abraham added.

"So, what now?" interjected LeForbes after realizing that it had only been 45 minutes since they'd left the restaurant.

"We could fly to Madrid and back for fun?" suggested Officer.

"Nah, I can't go back into Spain," admitted LeForbes, "How about we fly to Berlin and back?"

"That's an awful idea, but we really have nothing else to do," said Skye.

"It sure does stink that the other author made us have to waste an entire section writing about killing time, doesn't it?" apostrophe'd Abraham.

Jake nodded in the affirmative, with a fierce loathing of Jared coursing through his veins.

So the team got on a plane (with relative ease since every officer in Paris was currently unconscious), and flew to Berlin. After a quick drink at the Berlin airport bar, they got back on a plane for the round trip and landed in Paris, inexplicably, at 11:59 PM.

"It's go time," said one of them.


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