Part 18: Jake Has To Leave In a Few Minutes And Can't Write A Long Segment Today

Abraham's mission was to go to Moscow and access Soviet (yes, Soviet. I meant what I said.) satellites in order to find the precise location of Angelique's Siberian base. Abraham entered the Kremlin by pretending to be a Russian general because that worked in Mission: Impossible and looked like a fun thing to try. Once inside, he used high-tech holographic technology to make it appear as if the hallway he was infiltrating was empty, when in actuality, he was hiding behind a convenient screen. This idea, too, he got from Mission: Impossible.


Abraham walked inside the top secret Satellite Room, which had been cleverly disguised as a women's restroom. However, Abraham saw right through this disguise; there are no women in Russia!

He was wrong. 12 heavily-armed female Russian agents attacked and subdued him.

"Почему ты здесь?" asked one of the agents.

"What?" replied Abraham, not speaking a lick of Russian.

"Это то, что страны? Они говорят на английском языке в чем?" she pressed.

"WHAT?!" Abraham shouted back frantically.

"Русский! Вы говорите это?" she shrieked.

"I just need the satellite codes so I can find Angelique's base!!!" Abraham pleaded.

"Oh! Why didn't you say so?!" she said pleasantly, "Here ya go!"

The agent gave Abraham the satellite codes and calmly guided him to the room where the satellites were monitored. Abraham scrolled around for a few minutes until he saw the base on one of the maps. It was located about 200 miles outside of Springfield Yekaterinburg. With the location in mind, Abraham thanked the kind Russian ladies and left the Kremlin with a smile on his face. He then left for Yekaterinburg to meet up with the team and finally get the plot moving again.

TO BE CONTINUED BY JARED "тарабарщина" SEALE.

Poor English to Russian translations provided by Google. Great job, idiots.